Friday, December 14, 2012

Unbelievable Grief

I just recently read the book Think No Evil about the shootings in the Amish school a few years ago. I was moved at the concept of forgiveness in that book and challenged to how I would respond the next time something so horrible happened. This week I've seen two instances on the news that directly deal with this topic. One was the shooting rampage in the Clackamus mall by a young man, and the other was by a gunman just three hours ago in an elementary school in Newtown Connecticut.
From all preliminary details the elementary school shooting sounds lke it will be far worse than the Clackamus one. I think I heard a minute ago that over 20 kids have been shot...and who knows how many are dead. I also heard that the shooter, a relative of someone at the school was also dead. The people around me responded with comments like, "GOOD!" and "He got off easy" and "He should have had to go to prison and be raped and beaten.." The first thing that came to my mind was the episode in the book I mentioned above where someone made a similar comment in front of the Amish families. Instead of feeling justified the immediate response was unhappy disapproval. They made a point of saying that as awful as it was, God loved that shooter just as much as He loved the victims. WOW....that is radical grace and forgiveness....radical love...radical love of God.
I know a lot of people are going to be angry and bitter, with comments like, "Where was God?!?" "If God is real why would he left something so horrible happen to defenseless children?!?!" and "This is why guns have to be outlawed!" etc. etc. Honestly...I haven't got a clue to why it was allowed to happen...I would kind of like to know myself. I also know you can't blame the guns...because crazy people are the ones doing the shooting and crazy people will always find a way to get a or not. So don't be tricked into thinking everything will be safe if they're just made illegal.
So for what it's worth, just pray for the families that lost kids, pray for the families that have kids that were hurt, and the ones who will have emotional issues for a long time to come. Pray for the adults and teachers who were there, pray for the family of the shooter(s) because they're also going to have hell to go through because of what was done. Just pray...pray for our country, for our leaders, for the people fo our nation....just pray...and maybe consider reading that book after the dust settles from this event. It might help you process the grief.

Love and empathy,

Fa La La

Oh my it just me or did this year fly by way too fast? I was watching tv last night and a Christmas commercial came on for CBS, you might have seen it too. It's the one showing a slide show of the different characters from their shows with little chalk details drawn on them. It's cute...and original...but as I looked at it I suddenly realized it's been an entire year since the last time I saw that,and it feels like only a few weeks! Where did the time go?!?!  I don't remember being in a coma for any of that time....I rememeber most of what I did. Of course, don't ask me what I had for dinner two nights ago, but I can remember a meeting I had a few months ago.
What DID I have for dinner a couple of nights ago.....hmmm.....must not have been that good. Oh must have been leftovers. ......but I know I didn't cook that night...and I had leftovers the night before that...and I had them last night too. OMG!!! I've been eating leftovers for almost a week!! Isn't that dangerous?!?!? ......I don't remember when I made the original meal! Dear Lord....they didn't smell bad...and they weren't blue or furry. OMG....I think I just threw up a little in my mouth....I think I need to clean out my fridge!
Ughhh.....better check the milk too while I'm at it...haven't used that in at least a week. Probably chunky style now. Blech... Hmm...milk....that reminds me, I'm supposed to make cookies this weekend. Oh my gosh.....which reminds me....I have to make out some Christmas cards. Eh...maybe not...I'll just make them out as they send them to me.Everybody else can get a free one from the internet...saves money anyway. Which I especially need to do at this time of year with all the gifts I need to buy....O-M-G......I haven't gotten any GIFTS yet!!!! Forget the family! I have a secret santa party I have to buy for.....and I don't even really like the person I'm buying for! I wonder if I have anything I can re-gift? Hmmm.....I'll have to check the closet...which means I'll need to clean it to be able to get in hate cleaning. If I clean the closet I'm going to find things that should go in the living room...then I have to clean the living room to put them away. Then I have to clean the bedroom to put away the things from the living rom that should be in the bedroom....and of course that means I'll have to re-organize the bathroom because there are things on my dresser that belong in the bathroom. ....well this is a pain...and I'm not feeling very Christmasy....although there's a Christmas song playing in the background. Hmm...which reminds's Christmas time......Thank really, THANK GOD...all this stuff doesn't even matter.
Want to find out what matters? Read the Christmas Story...the REAL one.

Love and tinsel,

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Speak to me baby

I love the American's so basic, but at the same time really complex.There can be so many ways to use a word or punctuation that if you're coming from another country and learning American can get really confused, really fast. Just look at the word THERE.....orrrr THEIR....and don't forget THEY'RE. They all sound identical and are spelled pretty similarly...but totally different meanings. CON-FU-SING!! .......ummmmm....if you're a non American reading that last word.....don't memorize it like that.....that's a whole other thing to mess with your translating head. :)
Then of course you have punctuation.....oh boy.....if you get the spellings and meanings of words're only half way there. The next thing to mess with you is our punctuation.
Oh wow...there are just too many ways this could be screwed up to even mention. For the sake of grandparents everywhere...please, at least learn how to use commas. top it all off.....there's the unwritten inflection. You know....that thing that gets you in trouble when you type something in an email and the person reading it gets offended because they think you were being mean when you called them " a snarky faced skank that smells like swamp water on a good day and on a bad day could drop flies with their underarm fungus...."   ..........Actually.....there probably isn't a way to add enough inflection on that one to make it sound nice.....which means you probably WERE being, you can be a real jerk! What's WRONG with you?!?!!?  HEHEHEHEHE.......Anyway,here's an example of inflection....

The bad......."Ohhhh you've really stepped in it NOW"
The good.........."What did YOU step in today?" \
The ugly....... "WHAT did I just STEP in?!?!?!?"

One of those means the person being called a snarky faced skank is upset with you. One of them means you probably won the lottery....and the other one means you should probably clean up after your dog before walking in the back yard.

Now.....let's see how many of you were sharp enough to catch my own grammar mistakes. :)

Love and Alphabet Soup,

What are they smoking?!?!

Ok.....I normally wouldn't give something like this the time of day...but there is something so sick and twisted with what I'm about to tell you that I think it should be said.
 I was trolling the internet, minding my own business when I somehow stumbled across a news story about two women in Ukraine who have made it their job to become living dolls. .......No's their job! One is Barbie and the other is some anime character. I don't know how many plastic surgeries they have had to achieve these beautiful....but REALLY creepy looks...but, it's just that...CREEPY! (By the way, yeah, these are actual photos of the two girls.)

Valeria Lukyanova

The really sad part is they both think they look beautiful. They think they are doing a service to the world, bringing joy to people by living out the childhood fantasies of unattractive little girls and Barbie and Anime fans around the world. HUH?????? Maybe this is the aftermath of Chernobyl...the radiation cooked their senses.  It has to be something like that....would a person in their right mind do this? 
Really though, it's things like this that make me realize, as shallow as American pop culture is....we are at least working to correct our own misconceptions of beauty. Ad campaigns by company's like Dove and media blitzes promoting how to have a healthy self image are making a difference here in the US. Thank God! So as creepishly beautiful as these girls wouldn't fly here in the US and that's something I'm proud of.

Anastasiya Shpagina

Real beauty isn't from looking like a doll....really beautiful women are flawed...imperfect and know they are unique and priceless. Really beautiful women don't need to pretend to be something else...they are who they are. My heart goes out to these two girls....their shelf life is running out. How long will their beauty last.....what will they do when it fades? Do they have an identity outside of the plastic one they've created? These are the things I wonder about....but more importantly....they need a solid, foundation of faith. Beauty fades, popularity and fame fade, but faith in God will last and will give value beyond the shallow things we seek here. 

Love and Affirmation,

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Getting into the FLOW of things!

Chocolate chip cookie do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My hands can reach, when feeling PMS'y
For I am at the end of being thin and filled with grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most raging need as I continue to bleed.
I love thee freely, as men strive to understand;
I love thee purely as they run from fear.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old sweats, and with my pimply face.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my stained white cotton shorts,---I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, and other mood swings of my life! ---and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after menopause.

Thank you....thank you very much! Hehehehe....
My apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning but somebody had to do it. :)

So have you guessed by now what the latest excitement in my life is?  Ohhhhhhhh how I hate this time of month.....don't worry though, I'm not going to do all the usual complaining about this topic that is all over the internet....and I'm not going to say how much I can't wait for menopause because honestly...that's a lie. The thought of radiating 10,000 degree temperatures at any random moment and harvesting wiry chin hairs the length of my forearm just doesn't appeal to me. complaints are simpler.
 #1- It's gross. I mean...REALLY? Need I go into detail? I didn't think so.
 #2- It's a hassle. Between multiple tampon sizes to choose from, a)eyedropper, b)tablespoon, c)soup ladle and d)industrial size trash can...and the countless varieties of panty liners and's overwhelming. Not to mention the scented or unscented varieties of everything?!?!?!?!?! I the only woman who apparently doesn't feel the need to sniff her nether regions?
 #3- It's inconsistent. Stand up after sitting for a few hours.....Niagara Falls. Get out of bed in the morning.....Niagara Falls. Heaven forbid you sneeze! One unguarded moment where you forget to tense and clench your entire body in preparation and it's going to look like a crime scene from CSI! EWWWWWW!!!

Sigh.....oh could be worse I suppose............ummm.....couldn't it? Hmmmmm.....I may need to think about this one.

Love and Cookie Dough,

Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Close Shave

I hate shaving. I like men to shave of course......but as a female, I hate shaving. Yeah, I have a double standard...I admit it, what's your point? I'm sorry, but shaving is a pain, and it takes too long. European women don't shave...well some of them don't. Granted most of them are named Magda and have one massive un-plucked eyebrow that spans from the left temple to the right temple...but that isn't the point. European women are mysterious and romantic..aren't they? They must be, isn't that why men do all that mail order bride stuff? Apparently men don't care if a woman has the pelt of a small woodland animal growing underneath her armpit or leg hair so long that you could braid daisy chains into it. Maybe having a furry woman draws out their inner caveman...makes them crave eating raw meat and grunting.
 Am I so wrong to want a man to grab me like Agnes grabbed that stuffed unicorn in the movie Despicable Me and scream in unbridled passion..."..She's soooo fluffy I'm going to die!!!"
Stroking a leg that's all prickly from new growth isn't romantic. Those little things are so sharp you could shred paper with them! Unless your husband likes to make love to a porcupine it just doesn't add to the moment. Hmm...that's got to be illegal in a few states....anyway....we can all agree those hairless cats are ugly as shouldn't men feel the same about us? 
I wish.
Oh well, I guess I'm just ahead of my time, yeah that's it. Meanwhile, this wild trendsetter has to go shave her legs so she can wear a skirt tomorrow.

Love and Stiptic Pencils,

Sunday, April 22, 2012

No Rest For The Weary

It's raining today. I like how the rain makes the colors of everything more vibrant. There's a little grackle sitting in the branches of the tree outside my window. He isn't finding too much shelter from the rain, but he's stretching his neck looking for something. Now he's stretching his wings and picking at his feathers.....spreading his tail feathers and giving them a good shake. Grackles are considered an ugly bird because they usually come in swarms with chirping so immense and loud that they sound like some horrible beast from a science fiction movie. This one however, is beautiful in it's solitary quietness. He's navigating the branches between tender new leaves and he's looking around....maybe wondering where the rest of his flock is.
I feel like I live my life in the midst of a screaming, screeching flock most of the time. Go here, rush there, hurry up to do this, wait, you forgot to do that. Go go go go rest, no peace....just endless loud motion. Today I'm sitting...the window is cracked a little so I can smell the wet grass and the rain and it's so nice. Even the sound of cars whishing by on the wet street is pleasant. There's something so amazingly relaxing about watching rain drops race down a pane of glass.
We don't rest enough in America.....we just go go go. Even our vacations are so busy we don't achieve true rest. If God rested on the seventh day after creating all of creation....don't you think we should rest too? I mean, we aren't better than God....and if He needed it...or decided to take it...shouldn't we follow His example? We must stop the constant abuse and wear and tear on our bodies and disconnect every once in a while. We must rest or our bodies and minds become weary and eventually we are no good to anybody. As Christians we need to take the need for rest to an entirely different level. If we're supposed to be ready at any given moment to fulfill any need God brings across our will we be able to serve Him fully if we're too mentally, physically or emotionally exhausted to even get out the door. To rest isn't to become's to be proactive. We rest to prepare for the next round of the battle.

Get your rest this week....somehow, somewhere, find time to truly need it.

Love and Peace,

Jesus Divas

I get frustrated with a lot of Christian women.

Probably not the best way to start my blog off, but I figure I should get it out there right off the bat. I've been a Christian most of my life, and a woman ALL of my life, and the truth is, I just get irritated with a lot of the Christian women I know or have met. Funny thing is, the ones I'm closest to feel the same way. A Christian woman is supposed to make you feel loved, accepted and safe...not give you flashbacks to the snobby cheerleaders that shunned you in high school. So what's the deal...why are so many well meaning Christian women doing more harm than good? Is it out of some malicious bent or are they clueless to what's going in. Well.....I think the vast majority are simply just clueless. I don't mean that in a mean way....but they are in their own world and have no connection to the reality that other people are living in. Some may have malicious motives....but those really are the minority and those are best to just let alone and wait for God to deal with them.

The women I'm talking about are the Jesus Divas who look like Barbie dolls with Bibles. They're usually in some form of church leadership or their husbands are, or they head some sort of committee. They're the ones who suddenly get the starry eyes and plastic smile when they talk to you and realize you are well outside of their comfort zone. They make the proper polite greeting and may generously attempt small talk....but all the while they are scanning the crowd behind you for the face of someone they feel more comfortable with. When they spot the scape goat...errrr.....person, they make some motion as if they have a ground shaking message they need to convey to the other person and then find a way to excuse themselves so they can rush to pass on their earth shattering message. **sigh** Welcome to our church, you have just been R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D by a popular one.

Jesus Divas mean well...they love the Lord and usually can be found doing all kinds of things for the church. Baking, singing, gardening, Sunday school, and women's ministry are the areas you're most likely to find them. They're kind of like the modern version of a Stepford wife put into a church setting. They always have perfect hair, perfect nails, they have every accessory or shoe ever made and in every color. They speak softly and when they laugh it's always in the most delicate high pitched tone.....the kind that can make dogs howl. They rarely, if ever wear pants to church and cardigans and scarves are a staple in their wardrobe. A lot of them don't drink coffee....only tea...and when they have a dessert or's usually only a bite....and they're the reason muffins and bagels are missing their other half....because a whole one would just be too much.

If you're a Jesus Diva...listen up.

All of us Christian women who don't wear pink ruffly things or get a mani and pedi every week are tired of being treated like we aren't good enough. We probably don't giggle in high pitched tones, speak so softly that our voice is barely audible or blush delicately at the proper moments. We may actually say what we're thinking out loud and we might just roll the windows down and let the wind turn our hair into a crazy mess...and we may snort when we laugh....what horrible thoughts! We may not have tiny Cinderella feet or be able to fit into the clothes in the Jr miss section and we may actually have better things to do than color coordinate our bathrooms. We might even commit the unpardonable sin and wear jeans to church! *GASP*

There's a lot of things we aren't...a lot of things that devalue us in your eyes, but as Christians...we're your equal. We love Jesus....we know His forgiveness and we are daughters of The King.......JUST LIKE YOU. We read our Bibles, we pray, we worship, we hunger for God like a fat kid likes cake....and when we hear stories of how Jesus reached out to the woman at the well, the prostitute about to be murdered or the wicked woman washing his feet with her hair.....we get it. We've been there in one way or another and we get it....we can relate to those women, because WE are THOSE women and we've got friends who are still there and need to feel loved, accepted and safe!

Look, Jesus died for all of us.....the loveable and the unlovable, the pretty and the not so pretty, the popular and the grossly unpopular. He died for you and He died for me. So instead of looking confused when we don't want to attend some foo-foo Jesus Diva event that looks like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol vomited on everything....instead....find out what WE like, listen to what WE want to do and stop trying to turn us into one of you.You can't claim you want to reach out to women in the name of Jesus if you only reach out to those who fit into your mold.

In the decades that I've been a's never been a Jesus Diva who reflected the true heart of Christ to me....but it has consistently been the ex-prostitute, the former lesbian, the former wiccan, the murderer, and the recovered drug addict or alcoholic. It was the religious hypocrites that Jesus got angry with in the Bible....not the sinners or the believers that knew how screwed up they were. A thought perhaps worth your consideration.

Oh and one more thing....if you try to eat the other half of MY bagel....I'll stab your hand with a fork! 

Love and Silicone,