Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Getting into the FLOW of things!

Chocolate chip cookie do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My hands can reach, when feeling PMS'y
For I am at the end of being thin and filled with grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most raging need as I continue to bleed.
I love thee freely, as men strive to understand;
I love thee purely as they run from fear.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old sweats, and with my pimply face.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my stained white cotton shorts,---I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, and other mood swings of my life! ---and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after menopause.

Thank you....thank you very much! Hehehehe....
My apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning but somebody had to do it. :)

So have you guessed by now what the latest excitement in my life is?  Ohhhhhhhh how I hate this time of month.....don't worry though, I'm not going to do all the usual complaining about this topic that is all over the internet....and I'm not going to say how much I can't wait for menopause because honestly...that's a lie. The thought of radiating 10,000 degree temperatures at any random moment and harvesting wiry chin hairs the length of my forearm just doesn't appeal to me. complaints are simpler.
 #1- It's gross. I mean...REALLY? Need I go into detail? I didn't think so.
 #2- It's a hassle. Between multiple tampon sizes to choose from, a)eyedropper, b)tablespoon, c)soup ladle and d)industrial size trash can...and the countless varieties of panty liners and's overwhelming. Not to mention the scented or unscented varieties of everything?!?!?!?!?! I the only woman who apparently doesn't feel the need to sniff her nether regions?
 #3- It's inconsistent. Stand up after sitting for a few hours.....Niagara Falls. Get out of bed in the morning.....Niagara Falls. Heaven forbid you sneeze! One unguarded moment where you forget to tense and clench your entire body in preparation and it's going to look like a crime scene from CSI! EWWWWWW!!!

Sigh.....oh could be worse I suppose............ummm.....couldn't it? Hmmmmm.....I may need to think about this one.

Love and Cookie Dough,

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