Sunday, April 22, 2012

Jesus Divas

I get frustrated with a lot of Christian women.

Probably not the best way to start my blog off, but I figure I should get it out there right off the bat. I've been a Christian most of my life, and a woman ALL of my life, and the truth is, I just get irritated with a lot of the Christian women I know or have met. Funny thing is, the ones I'm closest to feel the same way. A Christian woman is supposed to make you feel loved, accepted and safe...not give you flashbacks to the snobby cheerleaders that shunned you in high school. So what's the deal...why are so many well meaning Christian women doing more harm than good? Is it out of some malicious bent or are they clueless to what's going in. Well.....I think the vast majority are simply just clueless. I don't mean that in a mean way....but they are in their own world and have no connection to the reality that other people are living in. Some may have malicious motives....but those really are the minority and those are best to just let alone and wait for God to deal with them.

The women I'm talking about are the Jesus Divas who look like Barbie dolls with Bibles. They're usually in some form of church leadership or their husbands are, or they head some sort of committee. They're the ones who suddenly get the starry eyes and plastic smile when they talk to you and realize you are well outside of their comfort zone. They make the proper polite greeting and may generously attempt small talk....but all the while they are scanning the crowd behind you for the face of someone they feel more comfortable with. When they spot the scape goat...errrr.....person, they make some motion as if they have a ground shaking message they need to convey to the other person and then find a way to excuse themselves so they can rush to pass on their earth shattering message. **sigh** Welcome to our church, you have just been R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D by a popular one.

Jesus Divas mean well...they love the Lord and usually can be found doing all kinds of things for the church. Baking, singing, gardening, Sunday school, and women's ministry are the areas you're most likely to find them. They're kind of like the modern version of a Stepford wife put into a church setting. They always have perfect hair, perfect nails, they have every accessory or shoe ever made and in every color. They speak softly and when they laugh it's always in the most delicate high pitched tone.....the kind that can make dogs howl. They rarely, if ever wear pants to church and cardigans and scarves are a staple in their wardrobe. A lot of them don't drink coffee....only tea...and when they have a dessert or's usually only a bite....and they're the reason muffins and bagels are missing their other half....because a whole one would just be too much.

If you're a Jesus Diva...listen up.

All of us Christian women who don't wear pink ruffly things or get a mani and pedi every week are tired of being treated like we aren't good enough. We probably don't giggle in high pitched tones, speak so softly that our voice is barely audible or blush delicately at the proper moments. We may actually say what we're thinking out loud and we might just roll the windows down and let the wind turn our hair into a crazy mess...and we may snort when we laugh....what horrible thoughts! We may not have tiny Cinderella feet or be able to fit into the clothes in the Jr miss section and we may actually have better things to do than color coordinate our bathrooms. We might even commit the unpardonable sin and wear jeans to church! *GASP*

There's a lot of things we aren't...a lot of things that devalue us in your eyes, but as Christians...we're your equal. We love Jesus....we know His forgiveness and we are daughters of The King.......JUST LIKE YOU. We read our Bibles, we pray, we worship, we hunger for God like a fat kid likes cake....and when we hear stories of how Jesus reached out to the woman at the well, the prostitute about to be murdered or the wicked woman washing his feet with her hair.....we get it. We've been there in one way or another and we get it....we can relate to those women, because WE are THOSE women and we've got friends who are still there and need to feel loved, accepted and safe!

Look, Jesus died for all of us.....the loveable and the unlovable, the pretty and the not so pretty, the popular and the grossly unpopular. He died for you and He died for me. So instead of looking confused when we don't want to attend some foo-foo Jesus Diva event that looks like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol vomited on everything....instead....find out what WE like, listen to what WE want to do and stop trying to turn us into one of you.You can't claim you want to reach out to women in the name of Jesus if you only reach out to those who fit into your mold.

In the decades that I've been a's never been a Jesus Diva who reflected the true heart of Christ to me....but it has consistently been the ex-prostitute, the former lesbian, the former wiccan, the murderer, and the recovered drug addict or alcoholic. It was the religious hypocrites that Jesus got angry with in the Bible....not the sinners or the believers that knew how screwed up they were. A thought perhaps worth your consideration.

Oh and one more thing....if you try to eat the other half of MY bagel....I'll stab your hand with a fork! 

Love and Silicone,

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